Ah, online dating. Is it just me, or do people never call to say, “Wow, this is a breeze!”? Nope, that doesn’t happen. If anything, they’re hopeful at best (and that's on a good day).
So why did I wake up this morning with the sudden urge to write about it? Well, maybe it’s because I had a chat with my sister in Italy this past Sunday. She’s feeling pretty down about dating—again. And trust me, she dates a lot. My advice? “Joanna, take a month off. No men. No dates. Just all the girlfriend lunches and golf you can handle.” It’s Friday, and guess what? She’s already feeling rejuvenated. Oh no, not so fast—I reminded her we’re sticking to the full month! She agreed.
And for those wondering, no, I’m not about to dive into politics. But if that’s making you feel down too, remember: elections come and go. So will inflation (hopefully), and any other uncontrollable worries. Focus on what you can control, like your own mindset.
Now, onto the meat and potatoes of what I’ve been hearing from new callers:
- "I’m exhausted."
- "This doesn’t work."
- "It’s taking over my life."
- "Are there any decent people left?"
- "Where do I even start?"
I get it. As a dating coach for nearly 30 years, I totally get it. But I also see success stories week after week. So, here are my top 10 tips to stay upbeat while navigating the dating jungle:
1. Stop Searching for “The One”—Just Have Fun. Feel that? That’s the pressure lifting off your shoulders. Go out, enjoy yourself, and let the expectations simmer down.
2. Don’t Obsess Over Your Dating App
Let’s be real: You shouldn’t be clocking more hours on your dating app than your actual job. Set a limit—30 minutes, three times a week—and move on.
3. Dating Fatigue is Real—Take a Break
Yes, gasp, take a break! So what if the app is still charging you? It’s worth it to reset, refresh, and come back with a new perspective. I’m a huge fan of a one-month hiatus.
4. Try New Things
Why not? When was the last time you checked something off your bucket list? Join a class, take up pickleball, or try that Meet-Up group you’ve been eyeing. Change up your routine and see where it leads.
5. Focus on What You Can Control
Like how you spend your time. Be selective, and remember that you get to decide who’s worth it.
6. Don’t Take Rejection Personally
So, Mike ghosted after a great Saturday night? Whatever. There are millions more out there. Let it go and keep moving.
7. Don’t Make Dating Your Whole Life
Take a note from Kevin, the CEO who was glued to his apps for two hours a day. I got him down to 15 minutes a day, and he’s way less intense now. Balance is key!
8. Lower Your First Date Expectations
No, that hour-long phone call before the date wasn’t a preview of your future life together. Keep pre-date convos short—10 minutes tops. Don’t make your phone your new pen pal.
9. Refuse to Give Up
Sure, you can take a break, but never fully give up. Some of my clients found love on date #19 or even #12, just when they were about to throw in the towel.
I received this Sunday from a client:
Anna, 58, Boston: I had to update you --- It may be that the lucky #16 Match date is a keeper! Andrea, you were right after date #9 to take a month off. It helped clear my mind and redefine what I was looking for---and just chill and relax about this whole dating thing. In case you don’t remember, I met Charles in late February and have been dating for 8 months. I like him a lot, and he thinks I am terrific. We spent a lot of time together and passed by your stomping grounds last week on our way to see an exhibit in Miami on our way to a cruise. We have much in common and very similar values. I’m already thinking about what I will get him for Christmas! I’ll keep you posted.
10. Date Multiple People
One date does not make a relationship. I repeat, do not stop dating until you’re both on the same page. Keep your options open until things get serious.
And there you have it. Remember, it only takes one, and that one could be closer than you think—after a good break, of course!
That’s it for today! Happy dating and chin up. Need help? Text me at 702-494-7344 (East Coast Time Zone) for a free 15-minute chat to see if I can help and we are a good fit. Or Click Here to sign up here for a free chat with me.
Andrea McGinty, Founder, https://www.33000Dates.com
Dating Expert/Dating Counselor/Dating Coach: Featured on Oprah, NYT, Forbes, OC Weekly, Village Voice, WSJ, People, CNN, and many more.