I was asked yesterday by a New York Times reporter about break-ups and why they are more prevalent in the New Year. He was focusing not on 20-year-olds, but on the 45-60+ year-old demographic.
Interesting. But makes a heck of a lot of sense, yes?
The last week has been a whirlwind---old clients of mine (in my dating coach role) sharing wedding photos or happy news. New clients calling me --- and telling me about recent breakups in November and December. And, ready to hop back in the saddle.
Yay, you. That’s the attitude. But not always easy, right?
Here’s what the journalist and I focused on:
Why is it so hard to get over a breakup? How long does it take to get over a breakup?How to accept that a relationship is over?What are some healthy ways to get over a breakup? List steps (if relevant) or share helpful tipsWhat are the upsides to a breakup?
Here are my thoughts…
Why is it so hard to get over a breakup after 40,50,60?
Because, let’s face it, you’re not just losing a partner—you’re losing a whole future you might’ve envisioned. At this stage, breakups can feel like they’re rewriting your story, and that’s a big deal. Plus, the emotional baggage we all carry (hello, life experience!) can make it harder to just “move on.”
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There’s no stopwatch on heartbreak, but the good news? You’re wiser, more resilient, and better equipped to handle it than your 20-something self. Give yourself three months to a year, and don’t rush it. Healing isn’t linear—it’s more like a cha-cha dance: two steps forward, one step back, and eventually, you’re grooving again.
You know how I do the free calls for 15-minutes to see if we are a good fit and I can help? Probably 30-40% of the time I tell the person they should wait to start working with me---take the time to bounce back after a relationship gone wrong. I just told someone yesterday---"Hey, I've been here for almost 30 years---I'll be here in 3 or 6 months so no rush".
How to accept that a relationship is over?
Start by realizing that the best chapters of your life might still be ahead of you. Acceptance is about taking off the rose-colored glasses and seeing the relationship for what it really was—flaws and all. Remind yourself that this is a new beginning, not the end of the road.
Bonus tip: Treat yourself to something symbolic, like a new haircut or a solo trip, to mark this fresh start.
(Just a side FYI, when my divorce was final, I treated myself to a 2-week yoga trip! And had fun.....)
What are some healthy ways to get over a breakup?
1. Purge the Past: Out with the old! Donate their stuff, delete the texts, and curate a playlist that screams, “I’m fabulous and free.”
2. Reconnect with YOU: Remember hobbies you loved before they came along? Dive back in. Always wanted to learn Italian or take a salsa class? Now’s the time!
3. Build a Squad: Lean on your friends, especially the ones who make you laugh until you cry. Bonus points if they bring wine.
4. Date Yourself: Take yourself out to dinner, the movies, or that dream vacation. You’re incredible company!
5. Therapy or Coaching: Sometimes, a professional cheerleader is just what you need to rediscover your mojo.
What are the upsides to a breakup after 40, 50 or 60?
Breakups at this age are a golden ticket to reinvention. You’re not starting over; you’re starting fresh—with all the wisdom, humor, and confidence that only life experience can bring. It’s a chance to rediscover your passions, embrace your independence, and maybe even redefine what love means to you.
Plus, fewer bad dates—your BS detector is sharper than ever!
Oh, and yes, my new book is out! I'm so excited---it's 166 strategies that are practical, no-nonsense and step-by-step approaches to getting to that great relationship! 400 pages of tips, client anecdotes, real things that work, no BS, a manual with 14 Worksheets (that work and I reall use with clients....and used myself after my divorce), QR Codes where I guide you via video and a whole lot more. Feedback so far? It's fun and USEFUL! Here's the link to buy. Click here.
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#2nd Acts
#2nd Acts: Winning Strategies for Dating Over 50
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