So, this topic has been brought up twice this week by new clients... basically, inquiring about the online deception known as catfishing. This is when an individual is not who they claim to be; a dishonest practice where someone creates a false persona online. (With clearly malicious intentions!).
As a dating advisor, with over 25 years of experience as a dating coach---due to the significant rise in online dating just in the last 5 years (even though it started in the 90s with a negative reputation, have I encountered this? A few times. But not so much in recent years as singles become more accustomed to online dating. Over the past few years, as highlighted by Pew Research---in 2022, 1 in 3 married couples met online).
Here's the deal---you can easily detect this in under 30 seconds, typically.
How?
Clue #1. They often upload an extremely attractive photo. And just one.
(The standard for online dating is to upload around 6 photos of yourself ranging from an activity you enjoy to a group photo with friends to a nice headshot). Yes, there are very good-looking individuals online---but they upload multiple photos.
Alright, did this clue completely elude you...
Clue #2. No detailed dating profile or a brief generic profile like "Love the beach. My boat. My dog". No effort made... or if you notice spelling errors, it's either a truly uninformed catfisher or a bot.
So, are you still persisting in your search here?
Clue #3. The initial message you get from them requests your phone number, and email, or is excessively enthusiastic. They have essentially urged you to stop communicating on a secure dating site/app.
Still in contact? Come on, you're intelligent... but here's more:
Clue #4. They claim to be wealthy, famous, or a millionaire.
While I have clients who possess several of the qualities, they would NEVER EVER disclose this. That is the last thing they want others to know! Having worked with several celebrities in sports, TV, writers, etc., we never refer to them as a NY Times Bestseller.
Really? I hope you’ve hit the block button by now.
Clue #5. A generic message from someone who has no photos posted. Something like “You are gorgeous! I’m not on here often so send me your email and more photos?”
WHAT? This person has no photos and is asking you for more?
So, getting back to being asked about catfishing twice this week (when I am rarely ever asked) use care and common sense. Let’s say you met someone at a bar and she asked for your cell, email and for you to send more photos. You’d think she’s nuts, right? (Or he).
Ok, so don’t get me wrong---I’m a huge proponent of online dating---as an online dating counselor with over 25 years’ experience, while working with my clients on dating sites, we have only seen this a handful of times. Like anything, use common sense when dating!
And, check out my 2-Minute Dating Tips or Take my Dating Quiz to know how you compare to other singles.
So, while looking online, use reputable dating sites/apps like the top 50 (there are over 1400 dating sites/apps out there in cyberspace) ….
Happy Dating!
Life, Love & Laughter,
Andrea McGinty
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