While dating
Dating in your 40s and beyond can be an exciting adventure packed with fresh experiences, personal development, and the opportunity to connect with fascinating individuals. Yet, like any journey, it can present its own set of hurdles, such as facing rejection.
But, you are not alone. We all deal with rejection in some form—and like my Dad would say “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger”. Big teenage eye-roll here.
The silver lining is that rejection doesn’t have to bring you down. With the right attitude and tactics, you can transform these experiences into chances for enjoyment, self-growth, and even a good laugh.
Here are ten tips to help you handle rejection with a positive spirit and keep your dating journey vibrant.
1. Turn Rejection into Redirection
Let’s start by flipping the script.
Think of rejection as the universe’s way of saying, “Not this one, but I’ve got something better in store for you!” Instead of focusing on what didn’t work out, shift your perspective to see rejection as redirection toward more exciting possibilities.
Reject that negative self-talk. Science says we have 60,000-80,000 thoughts per day and that over 70% are negative. Wow, what a battle going on in our minds but they also say it can be overcome.
Athletes are superstars at this. You can be too.
2. Use a Bit of Compassion on ….Yourself
So, your best friend just got rejected. You’d probably tell them they’re amazing and that the person who rejected them is missing out, right? So why not do the same for yourself? Treat yourself with the same kindness and humor you would offer a friend.
3. Stay Socially Active with a Twist of Adventure
How about turning into a social butterfly? Never tried it? Let’s make it easy and just do it for one month and see what happens.
Hint: By not constantly thinking about rejection, dive into social activities that bring joy and excitement. Surrounding yourself with friends and engaging in fun activities can lift your spirits and provide a fresh perspective.
Ideas to begin and get you in the mindset? Invite friends over for a themed appetizer potluck with a movie. Or a Friend’s party---think what Monica and Rachel would throw together. It’s a great way to focus on fun rather than worry over what didn’t work out.
4. Embrace Personal Growth with…Fun
Rejection can be a fantastic fuel for personal development! Why not dive into that hobby or skill you’ve been eyeing? And remember to keep it light-hearted.
Try Something a bit quirky: Me? Ever since visiting Murano, Italy and the Bellagio ceiling in Las Vegas, I’ve had a yen for glass blowing. I tried it---It was a “hot” experience and most of my “classmates” were men—I had no idea this would be the case when I signed up. You’ll not only pick up a new talent but think of the fun stories you can tell on dates.
5. Don’t take it personally
I know. It’s hard not to take it personally. I thought one man was absolutely perfect for me---and after the first date, never heard from him again. I wondered for a day what went askew—then thought just like a flight being on time, I just can’t control everything.
Each dating experience, successful or not, teaches us something valuable. Approach these lessons with a sense of curiosity and humor. (Remember this when you’re out having drinks with single friends and remind yourself not to let it turn into a bitch session).
6. Maintain Realistic Expectations
While it’s great to have standards, try not to take things too seriously.
My motto? Go into each date with zero expectations. Not high, not low. Add a heavy dose of curiosity and you’ll be fine.
Remember, dating is supposed to be enjoyable! If you are viewing this solely as the end goal—you are stuck in tunnel vision. Life is not about just hunting for the one—but enjoying the journey to get there. Or at least making it pleasant.
7. Up Your Emotional Resilience with a Sprinkle of Fun tossed in
Who says building emotional resilience has to be a drag? Spice it up with some playful activities that not only strengthen your spirit but also tickle your funny bone!
Try an Improv Class: Improv is all about quick thinking and tackling surprises with a smile. It’s also a super fun way to connect with new friends and boost your confidence. Trust me, I’ve been there! I had a blast cracking myself up, and when you’re sharing laughs with others, those dating rollercoasters seem a lot less daunting! (I was pretty awful at this…but recapping over cocktails after each class was almost funnier than the class itself and talk about being out of my comfort zone…)
8. Independence
Feeling at ease with your independence helps you tackle dating with self-assurance and happiness. Welcome the excitement and experiences that come from being on your own. And, just an idea, come up with 2-3 new things to do solo in the next month.
9. Expand Your Social Circles
Why? Broadening your social circles can lead to new friendships and opportunities. And, we can get stuck in ruts. Yes, we may have a tight-knit friend group and you are thinking “I don’t need any more friends” but it keeps us young at heart and mind meeting new people.
Check out local events like quirky festivals, book readings, meet-ups or community theater shows. You never know who you’ll meet and what adventures await. It’s a bit like getting lost in a new city---and the things you’d never have seen if your GPS was working through the narrow streets.
10. Seek Professional Support to keep momentum strong in your search
It could be as simple as hiring a top dating coach to guide you over the bumps in the road and to be your cheerleader. You can get so stuck in the weeds that you can’t see the forest—and someone pointing this out to you can be helpful. And yes, coaching can have its light-hearted moments too!
Navigating the dating scene in your 40s+ can be an exasperating, exhilarating (ok, at times, exhausting) experience, full of opportunities for personal development, happiness, and meaningful connections. By implementing strategies with a glass-half-full mindset, you can turn the sting of rejection into a valuable lesson that contributes to your overall well-being.
Happy Sunday!---Andrea
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